TEN ROMEO NEWSLETTER
Report 57
March 28, 1994
Dear Friends:
It is with great difficulty that I share with you a monumental loss! On January 28, 1994, my beautiful wife and devoted companion for 42 years died of metastatic cancer.
Seven years ago Ruth underwent a modified radical mastectomy. Thus we knew the path we have just walked was a possibility in our future, but with five years of survivability, we thought the disease had been cured.
Last November 11th we received the terminal medical diagnosis. That morning as we reviewed the report of her bone scan which was absolutely terrible, we were not sure Ruth had more than three weeks left.
Being the practical, level-headed woman that she was, before the day passed Ruth had written, and we had delivered, her brief notes of resignation to three health-care facilities where she served as consulting dietitian. We then turned our attention to preparing for the short time we had remaining.
We were fortunate to have eleven weeks to prepare for Ruth's departure. These weeks were indeed "quality time".
We immediately recognized that no one leaves this world alive, and that the difficult departure must eventually be taken by all. In reviewing our exciting life together, we decided that if we could do it over again we would make no major changes. We also decided there was nothing we really had wanted to do that we had not done, but that call was close.
Each Christmas for the past twenty years I had placed a note to Ruth on the Christmas tree asking, "Is this the year for me to take you to Hawaii?" This was a long-standing promise, but whenever we faced the practicality of purchasing flight tickets, we paused and thought, "Wouldn't it be more fun to visit daughter Mary and her family in St. Thomas, USVI? Or, wouldn't time on Block Island, which we had come to love, be as memorable?"
The question was resolved on our 40th wedding anniversary when our wonderful children presented us with a gift of a two-week holiday in Hawaii.
Our final weeks were filled with three periods of family togetherness: Great Grandmother Aaness' 103rd birthday was December 1st, and we had our normal gala party at the local country club. "GiGi", the name given her by our 12 grandchildren, reigned supreme. Roger came from Basel, Switzerland; Mary from St. Thomas; Ann from Greenville NC; Kirk from Tacoma, WA; Janet from Rochester, NY; and John from Atlanta, GA. As has happened the past three years, most family members made the trip. This group returned for Christmas, and were also here for Ruth's final week of life.
It was difficult to watch our beautiful lady become weaker day by day, but her handling of her illness was remarkable. Every query by doctors as to how she felt, particularly during the month in St. Peter's hospital, brought that beautiful smile and the positive reply that she thought she was doing quite well. She taught us all how to die gracefully.
Concern and love shown by our friends was remarkable as guests dropped by, and food was delivered for the 24 family members present. To those who anguished about "how bad things can happen to good people" we shared our faith. "We are privileged to live in this wonderful world created by our Lord with its remarkable dependability through natural law. In time, we will know more about genetic relationships and cancer will not be the scourge it is presently. Our cancer encounter came too early, but does not shake our faith in the beautiful, reliable natural law the Spirit has provided." Ruth and I shared a loving, exceptional experience along the difficult path we traveled those last few weeks. Health-care teams - nurses, oncologists, radiologists, neurologists, physical therapists, etc. focused on Ruth's illness. Their love and concern for Ruth made her dying more gentle.
On Wednesday of her last week Ruth said, "I almost took the big step yesterday, but I'm not ready yet." We understood. She was enjoying family around her, and soaked up the love present. On Friday she slipped away, at the last possible moment to allow all family flight tickets home to remain in place without inconvenient changes. Her "Celebration of Life" was held at 2:00 p.m. at the Delmar United Methodist Church on January 30th.
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Ruth's piano-playing accomplishment, like anything she focused upon, was outstanding. Except for her later attraction and commitment to dietetics she would have become a concert pianist. She never allowed her brilliance to interfere with her love of people.
Following Ruth's dietetic internship at Massachusetts General Hospital she wrote to Director Hatch with suggestions for improvement. Miss Hatch invited her to return and join the staff to implement her suggestions.
In late 1951 I began receiving unusually persuasive letters from the Army Air Force requesting my voluntary return to active duty to assist in Korea. My patriotic bent made the idea mildly attractive, and one evening on a date with Ruth I mentioned my interest. "If you feel you must go, I'll accept the captaincy the Air Force has been pressing me to accept for the last six months as a dietitian in Japan." It was then that I cut my first "deal" with that beautiful lady. "Let's both forget the Air Force and get married!" As a "shavetail", the idea of saluting my beautiful "captain" lady every morning before breakfast had little appeal.
Ruth became the heart and soul of the Harmon family. Her common sense, coupled with her graciousness and wisdom, was a stabilizing factor which served with increasing importance as the family grew from two to seven in a few years. Her consistency in disciplining the children held family problems to an absolute minimum during those exciting years of growing through adolescence. The example of her graciousness provided the family with a goal which we could all strive toward.
Twice, with job changes in my professional career, I was faced with separation from the family to arrange proper housing and deal with other time consuming requirements inherent in promotions. By then, Ruth had made being a part of the "FUN HARMON FAMILY" so exciting and unusual that I refused to miss the daily evening meal. The commute of 240 miles every day for six months on two occasions was made easier by using the family aircraft.
As the children grew and spread their wings - departing to exciting and unusual vistas - Ruth turned her attention to increased professional responsibilities, serving three health-care facilities, and focusing her special skills on Dietetic Licensure in New York State. Her dedication to her chosen profession resulted in her being named "DIETITIAN OF THE YEAR" by the New York State Dietetic Association in 1990. The text of the presentation she made at the "Group of European Nutritionists 29th Symposium" in Budapest, Hungary, in 1991 was requested by health leaders in 32 countries.
Ruth's warm, beautiful smile and her gracious demeanor endeared her to all those with whom she came in contact.
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OBITUARY
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Ruth:
You are gone but not forgotten, gracious lady!
How joyful and exciting you made my life!
And now my treasure cove of memories of you
Marks my path toward our reunion.You took the "big step" before me, beautiful one,
And in so doing, taught me the art of dying!
Your time with me is now complete and perfect!
Your precepts will guide my time remaining.The Good Book says to us who read
'Tis but a moment before we'll join
To continue our path together with Christ,
Victoria Louise, and all the rest.Thank you, my beautiful, brilliant partner
For unlocking the treasures of this abode.
I'll join you when the Lord says "Come"
To joyfully face eternity hand-in-hand!
Mil